Sometimes I am stunned by the words my children speak. This morning I KNOW, without a shadow of a
doubt, that God spoke directly to me through my daughter. Her words pierced a part of my soul that so desperately
needs the light of Christ.
During Brunch this morning, we told the kids that before we went to
Easter Dinner with our friends we were going to visit the grave of Josephine,
William and Teresa Benedicta. I had some
white cloth I wanted to place on the cross marking their grave. A little while later, while I was helping to
dress Clare for the day, this conversation occurred:
Clare: Mom, are you still so
sad about the babies?
Me: (tears beginning to fill
my eyes) Yes.
Clare: Are you sad because
they aren’t feasting with us here today?
Me: (pause…deep breath...trying to hold the tears in) Yes, I miss
them so much, Clare.
(A minute or so of silence.)
Clare: Mom, I know you are
sad. I see you cry a lot. But Mom, you know they are having a bigger
feast in Heaven, right now, with Jesus.
(Said with a glimmer in her eyes and a big smile!)
Me: (No use holding the tears back now) Actually Clare, I needed
that reminder. That is such a beautiful thing you spoke to mommy, especially on
Easter. Thank you for listening to
Jesus, in your heart, and sharing those words.
I still have much to learn on this journey. I still have much healing that needs to be
done. But, our good Lord used a child
this morning to remind me that as I continue to work through my deep sorrow,
fear, unfulfilled desires, and pain, that there is still hope. As much as I
long for my children, the ones I was never able to know in this world, I need
to rejoice and find peace in knowing that they have already reached the goal! They are partaking in a feast much greater
than any I could give them here on Earth.
And isn’t that what I should desire for my children as their mother? I have been lost in a sea of grief, obsessed
with what I have lost and forgetting what I have in fact gained. I have gained three little saints. And today, of all days, I am reminded that Jesus conquered death, and so one day I will be able to see my children again.
Please pray for me. Pray
that I can hold onto the truths I know, but too often do not grasp on to in my
heart. Pray that I can be patient with
myself. Pray that I can be patient as we
wait for God’s timing in blessing us with new life, and that I can be at peace each
time he chooses not to give new life. Please pray that my heart can truly only
desire what God desires for me. And please pray that I can fully embrace and practice what Saint Augustine reminds us, "We are an Easter people
and alleluia is our song!"
Happy Easter dear friends and family! Be assured of my prayers for you!!
